I've never seen anything like this in my life, either.

Giving Thanks.

The director of the program I work at (it's a day program for adults with developmental disabilities) took yesterday off, and so, as program coordinator, I was assigned the task of facilitating the weekly support group for some of the behavioral clients.

I was supposed to do the regular stuff: Go around the room and check in with everyone and see how everyone is doing, discuss any issues they're currently having, have them practice some relaxation/deep breathing exercises. But since yesterday was the day before Thanksgiving, this support group was slightly different than the other ones they've had before. I also asked them what their plans were for the the Thanksgiving weekend/holiday, if anything. Also, I was assigned the task of reading them a story and leading a discussion/self-reflection activity after.

For "non-disabled" people, the holidays can mean very different things to different people. Some people love the holidays, as they can bring up a lot of pleasant memories, of things like good food, happy family gatherings, and so on and so forth. On the other hand, some people hate the holidays, for possibly the exact opposite reasons: Maybe they never had those pleasant family gatherings; maybe food was always scarce, and they were just further reminded of that fact when they knew it was the time of year where everyone around them was having these big family feasts, while they themselves had little/nothing to eat.

So, a "non-disabled" person can get pretty fucking bummed out during the holidays - some people go through bouts of depression around this time. This is a person who has a had a "normal" life and has, at least, some coping skills, or some experience with/exposure to them.

Now, imagine for a moment you were born with a condition, or conditions, which has, or have, affected your "normal" development - mental and/or physical. Conditions that not only affect the way you think and perceive the world, but affect the way the world thinks about and perceives you.

Mental retardation. Autism spectrum disorder. Drug misuse during pregnancy, resulting in conditions such as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. Down Syndrome. Child Abuse. Brain injury or infections before adulthood. Seizure disorders. Chromosomal or physical abnormalities.

Maybe "normal" coping skills have not been taught to you (since maybe you need to be taught them directly, because everyone assumes you learn these "naturally"). Maybe these more-adaptive coping strategies are out of your mental/physical grasp. Maybe you did learn them ("naturally" or through long-term, constant, direct teaching), and they just have not worked for you, and so you eventually have come to see no point in using them - historically, people with developmental disabilities have been GROSSLY mistreated, regularly being (many times silent) victims of physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, financial abuse, legal/civil abuse, systemic abuse, peer abuse, restrictive practices, and neglect.

Okay, back to the story.

So, if a non-disabled person, with the capacity for using adaptive coping skills, can become depressed over the holidays for things they've gone through or things they don't have...what must it be like for a person with developmental disabilities, who can't use/don't have adaptive coping skills, who has gone through things you would never imagine a human being living next door to you (because they could, very well, be living next door to you) could possibly go through, who could very well have had little to nothing their whole lives?

Luckily, this area has pretty decent resources available to it's residents with developmental disabilities - the local regional center is just down the ways in Campbell. And, as I asked the clients yesterday, many of them do have their families in their lives, so they will be going home for the holidays, at least for Thanksgiving dinner. But there were a couple that weren't going home. One said their family have all moved away from San Jose, their parents residing somewhere in Arizona. Another client said his dad is visiting his sister for Thanksgiving, and she's in Maryland or something; his dad doesn't like traveling with him - he's too "difficult". Which, I agree, he definitely can be at times. But it doesn't make it any less fucked up to leave your son behind on Thanksgiving. (Those two will be having big Thanksgiving dinners at their group homes, just FYI. But they do happen to be living at some of the better, more caring, group homes - because there's definitely some group homes out there that don't really give a shit).

But in any case, I ended the support group session by reading the story I was told to - it was about how stiff the competition is in India to become a goverment-hired graveyard shift rat catcher. No chemicals, no traps. Just your hands, a bag, and a killing stick.

So I asked the clients, after I was done reading, why I read the story. (Another side note: Many of our clients - again, all adults - are illiterate, either because they never learned to read, never had the opportunity to learn to read, or just can't physically read or don't have the mental capacity to.) Most of them got it, many of them saying something along the lines of "No matter how bad the situation seemed, or how gross, difficult, or risky the job was, they were thankful they even had a job, and they were thankful for the security of it."

So then I had them close their eyes for a moment, and quietly think of at least 1 thing they were thankful for - it could be anything. After a few minutes, I said if they wanted to share, they could. All but two shared. Someone was thankful they got to move into a new room at their group home. Someone was thankful for being able to volunteer at the Second Harvest food bank. Someone was thankful they had a house that was strong when they were 7 years old so they didn't get hurt in a big earthquake. Others were thankful for the good food. And others were thankful for their families and the support they are given by them. I thanked them for their time and participation, we all said our "byes" and "happy thanksgivings", they all left the room, got picked up by their Job Coaches, and they went to get dropped off.

What am I thankful for? I'll keep it brief. 5 things.

Family that is there for me...well...most of the time. As shitty as they can be sometimes, they've always shown support for me in at least some of the things I do. And in the cases where they're not so supportive, they're just kind of hands off. Which is fine. And we're talking more now. So I'm definitely thankful for that.

My health. I'm 26 years old, going on 76. With this cold weather, I wake up in the mornings and I can't move - my joints creak and crack, my back aches, etc etc. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Once I'm warmed up, I can move around. I can walk. I can still skate. I'm stoked.

Skateboarding. Without it, I'd probably be dead.

I have a job that I like, that I enjoy going to everyday, that pays the bills (for the most part), that makes me feel like I'm making a difference, and that allows me to work with such amazing, caring, and giving people. Unless you work in this field, and work specifically in this office, I assure you: You'll never even begin to understand what I'm talking about.

Friends. For the first time in my life, I know I'm surrounded by people I care about who really, truly care about me - they're just as much my family as my "real" family, and sometimes even more so. And I honestly believe that. Forget all the bullshit I've been going through the past year and half or so. Forget feeling worthless and like I'm a waste of time and space. My friends in my life now make me feel like I matter; like I'm human; like they actually like having me around. And I love hanging out with all of them as well. And so with this little paragraph (along with hanging out with them and doing what I can to show them how much I love them, how much I care, and how much they mean to me, of course), I want to make them feel like they matter. Because you all do. More than you'll ever know.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Have fun, and be safe. Make sure you think of at least 1 thing you're thankful for. Because I know, and you know, you can. Take care.

Great Job!

Shut Up, Foo'.

"Eyes lit. On sharp threats. From dark lips. But lights press. The soft skin. To rough hands."

Crystal Castles - "Crimewave"